Who wrote this letter?

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Postby Surface » 2006-01-18 22:13

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls:

While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:

Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat at WHAT-A-BURGER, or JACK-IN-THE -BOX, or DENNY'S and some cold french fries (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Snickers bar after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:

Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:

The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.



Thank you,

Your biggest fan



P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon



THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
" Fashion fades but style is eternal."

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Postby Kev » 2006-01-18 22:33

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Love it :tup:
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Postby Mick e. t. » 2006-01-18 22:50

Your on the boil tonite :woot: Yeah! love it :tup:
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Postby Surface » 2006-01-18 23:02

The house is quiet and Im working on a bottle of red. :gulp:
" Fashion fades but style is eternal."

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Postby Danny » 2006-01-19 00:05

hahaha good one! wish i a bottle to work on ;)
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Postby Perfectblue » 2006-01-19 00:23

Wow that is funny. :)
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Postby KittyKat » 2006-01-19 08:20

:lol:
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Postby saracen » 2006-01-19 09:48

Oh, that brings home so many truths....of course, not recently....respectable now and all that *cough* stuff! :lol:
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Postby Dookie » 2006-10-22 23:11

Heheheh, class. That's so funny. Next time i'm sozzled i'm gonna sit down and try repeating those words :lol: Some of them were tricky enough sober.

Has anyone ever tried writing them selvs a letter when they're drunk? Well, I have. It's still knocking about upstairs somewhere some 7 or 8 years later. I remember I addressed it to "Dear sober Claire.... this is drunk Claire". It was so funny reading it the next day, and the hand writing is pretty crazy too.

There you are, give it a try, it really is fun! :P
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Postby sharkdude » 2006-10-23 09:47

lmao
STUFF

Smooth
Happy
Ardent
Resourceful
Kool
Diligent
Utilitarian
Dependable
Exemplary
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Re: Who wrote this letter?

Postby valemont » 2018-09-09 08:39

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